i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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