And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
