Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
