So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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