If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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