wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
