Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
