Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
