you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
