apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
