toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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