youre lurking in front of me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
