I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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