This girl is more easily done than said...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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