ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
