I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is it because I queefed?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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