how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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