can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
