Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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