i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
