I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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