she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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