Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
