i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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