I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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