I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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