Apparently you make a good broom.
I smell stomach acid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
