She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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