May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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