:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just cut my nipple shaving
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
