Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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