I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
