omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize