Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
