TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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