now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
