4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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