Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
