I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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