I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
