Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
