remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
