Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
