I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
