Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
