I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
