Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
