She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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