After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
