Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
