I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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