I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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