your parents love me but you hate me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
