i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
