Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
