so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
