The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
