Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
