Don't make out with my wife yet
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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