I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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