im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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