just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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