He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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