I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think I just sharted jello shots
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize