Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
