The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
